on doing the dishes

Posted originally on Dec. 6, this has been updated to include both Maggie’s and Jon’s accounts.

Maggie’s Account:

Recently, Jon and I made fajitas for dinner.

We’re still learning to anticipate how the other moves in the kitchen, each other’s preferences for pans or knives, etc. Once upon a time, we resolved that every time we dirtied a dish, we would wash it right then. This has not worked out as well as originally planned. (See also: that time I left a small container of meatballs in the sink over the long Thanksgiving weekend.) Life is still fun without a dishwasher, don’t worry.

We made our fajitas and then ate at the card table (borrowed from friends, what?) because we still have no kitchen table. I ate quickly so I could get ready for yoga, and as I cleared my dishes to the sink, I said to Jon, “I’m just gonna leave these here, okay?”

Jon didn’t miss a beat: “Yeppers. ‘Cause you’re doing the dishes when you get back!”

Oh, snap. My husband is hilarious.

Jon’s Account:

You know what’s great?

Being married.

Not having to say goodbye. Being able to say hello, first thing every morning.

You know what’s still not fun?

Dishes.

Is it easier to be lazy when married?

Probably not. But it’s probably easier to THINK I can be lazy while I’m married. In the 8 short weeks of marriage I’ve thought to myself I don’t feel like doing it…I’m sure Maggie can take care of it. I better not get used to that feeling.

Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes doing the dishes is a part. I particularly like it when we tag team the dishes, one of us washing and the other drying.

So the other night when Maggie said, “I’m just gonna leave these here, okay?” The lazy side of me said: “Yeppers. ‘Cause you’re doing the dishes when you get back!”

I did the dishes the next morning.

Tonight we’re going to do them together. You don’t have to be married to do the dishes together. But I want to stay happily married, so we’ll do the dishes together.

Maggie also got me excited about tonight. “We’re doing laundry!” she said last night when I told her that we didn’t have anything planned. I’m sure my face fell.

But you know what? It beats doing it alone.

Maggie’s account:

Amen and amen.

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4 thoughts on “on doing the dishes

  1. Skeller says:

    What Shayna and I eventually settled on was that we didn’t take turns at doing dishes, but more we set up a little village with trades and whatnot. I can’t iron, so Shayna would iron for me. I would make Shayna lunch in return. Shayna is not so amazing at cleaning up after herself in the kitchen (mostly because she tended to be in the kitchen in the early morning so that was not happening) so I would clean it and she would make dinner. It’s easier to think “I do dishes” than “I suppose it’s my *turn* to do the dishes” as then it becomes an obstacle you must overcome to enjoy your life, as opposed to a gift of love to the person you’re living with. I do the dishes for you because I love you and want you to be able to eat things off plates. You give me stir fry when I haven’t remember to eat all day because you don’t want me to faint at work.

  2. brooklynite says:

    Jon, I can provide perfect pathology on so, so many of these comments. But I wont.

  3. Janelle Wade says:

    So Dan doesn’t have to do the dishes because I’m kind of anal (who, me? anal? nooooo) about how things get washed. So I do most of the cleaning around the house. But then, I never have to worry about if the car needs gas or an oil change, because he has that covered. And we do laundry and grocery shopping together. Ever so occasionally, we do something to make the other person’s job easier. I think, at least for us, it’s not so much about “you messed it, you clean it” or “it’s my turn” and more about making the other person feel that you’re doing equal amounts of work in general. Sure, maybe one of you always does the dishes, but maybe the other person always makes sure that the dishes are moved into the kitchen from the dining room. Maybe one of you always does the laundry, but the other person gathers hangers and helps put the clothes away. At least for us, that works really well and no one feels like their laziness is the other person’s work. I know that if I don’t do the dishes tonight, it’s only going to make more work for me the next night, and I never think that if I wait long enough, Dan will get sick of looking at them and just do them. You guys just need to find what system works best for you: do you each pick chores that you’ll always take care of, or do you always try to split each chore evenly. For us, the former is the best, but as newlyweds, you might still want to do everything together :p

  4. […] may also remember that we currently eat at a card table borrowed from friends. We’re grateful for it, and grateful to have a surface to dump all our mail and bills and […]

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